by: Megan Grant, LICSW | May 8, 2026
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines boundaries as “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent”. Very straight-forward. However, an article from PsychologyToday gives a bit more detail: “…knowing what one wants and expects from the people in their life, and what they’ll accept from them—and then clearly, concisely, and calmly stating those ground rules.”
It is an important and helpful skill to learn to set boundaries, not only for others, but for yourself. However, if it is so important, why is it so difficult to do? We often avoid setting boundaries because we view them as cruel, easily violated, or perhaps even aggressive sometimes. Boundaries sometimes cause feelings of guilt for people.
Boundaries help you maintain balance in all areas of life. They are a necessity for protecting yourself. With that said, how can we make it happen?
What are Healthy Boundaries?
First and foremost, it is imperative to know what healthy boundaries are. Boundaries exist on a spectrum from porous to rigid. Different situations call for different styles of boundaries, but the ultimate goal is to have healthy boundaries. Here are the boundary styles:
- Porous—person struggles to say “no” to others. Allows for intimacy, but at the cost of their own wants and needs.
- Healthy—person can say “no” to others, but open to intimacy and new experiences. In order to achieve this, you must identify what you are comfortable with and how you want to be treated.
- Rigid—person keeps others at a distance. Offers protection, but at the cost of new experiences and intimacy.
Now that we have discussed the different boundary styles, it is helpful to know the different types of boundaries. Knowing the different types of boundaries will help you evaluate and examine different areas of your life to see if boundaries are needed. Here are the different types of boundaries:
- Physical—personal space and physical touch
- Emotional—how you share and protect your feelings
- Intellectual—how you express your thoughts and ideas
- Sexual—how and with whom you express your sexuality
- Material—how you use your money and possessions
- Time—how you spend and structure your time
Why are Boundaries Important?
Now that you know the different styles and types of boundaries, it will be helpful to know why setting boundaries are important in the first place. Boundaries not only help you maintain a healthy and more fulfilling life, but boundaries are also good for helping those you have the boundaries with. Here are reasons why it is helpful to have healthy boundaries:
- Reduces stress and anxiety
- Prevents burnout
- Increases self-efficacy and self-esteem
- Builds confidence
- Increases emotional stability
- Increases balance
Signs you May Need Stronger Boundaries
Oftentimes, people don’t realize boundaries are being violated, or that they need to increase, until emotional distress sets in. Take note of how your body responds when you begin to experience emotional distress. Use these responses as a signal that you may need to reevaluate the boundaries you have set. Here are some other signs you can look out for:
- Consistently putting others before yourself
- Feeling emotionally drained or overwhelmed
- Avoiding situations or certain people
- Overcommitting
- People-pleasing
- Feelings of resentment
- Struggling to make time for yourself
Common Challenges When Setting Boundaries
Taking the first step to setting boundaries is often difficult. Communicating your boundaries with others is frequently accompanied by feelings of anxiety and fear. Fear of how the individual will respond and anxiety around if they will respond negatively. Though your fears may be justified due to a lifelong experience of negativity from someone, it doesn’t mean your boundaries are wrong. The person is responding in such a way because they aren’t used to having limits put upon them. Boundaries are likely to change the dynamic of the relationship, which also plays into the negative reaction, but it is necessary to help your emotional needs and peace.
You may also experience feelings of guilt when boundaries are set. Again, this does not mean your boundaries are wrong. You are made to feel this way. Read this article to further understand where this particular guilt comes from. It’s incredibly helpful.
Healthy relationships include respect. Initially, setting boundaries may be uncomfortable, over time, it can lead to more healthy and honest connections.
Small changes build over time. Advocate and recognize your needs in order to have a healthy, balanced life. This can start with identifying your needs and respond accordingly, such as setting boundaries.
If you would like to explore how to set boundaries further, check back for our next post and take a look at our resource page.